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I tend to use the phase your killing me very often. Its just a figure of speach but it basically mean you have to do something that you need to put some effort into. I had gotten into such a place in my life that I was not really putting any effort forth and I didnapos;t even realize it had gotten so bad.
I have been trying for a long time for a promotion at work and its killing me because I can and have done the job during our busiest part of the year. I have been filling that role in my department for more than a year now but the powers that be feel its not deserving of the position or the pay that goes with it. Well, I had an interview that I totally blew the math part of the interview. Math has always been my worst subject. I am lucky if I can make 2+2=4 on most days but it has never really stopped me from doing my job. I have yet to hear if I got the position yet but I am not really holding out hope. I decided to take a proactive approach and try to bone up on my math skills and try to teach myself algebra. Well, I canapos;t believe I am have trouble with the simple math. I havenapos;t even gotten to the hard stuff. I am currently stuck on linear, inverse and communitive math. Talk about not being smarter than a fifth grader. I swear its killing me. I should be almost done with the book I have and yet I canapos;t get past the second chapter.
Things around here have been quiet. Linda has been gone for many weeks now. Her boyfriendapos;s mother is visiting so she has been there. We keep in touch almost daily. She has started the cycle of complaining again. The what have I done with my life. What is my purpose here and so on. Its not that I donapos;t want to hear it because I have those kind of issues myself. Itapos;s just that she is like a broken record with it. I donapos;t know what she expects from me sometimes. She is the one who pursued another relationship while she was still with me and I donapos;t know if she is lucky or I am just stupid for still being here. Speaking of still being here, my mother is on a kick or closer to a vendetta to get me to move. I know she wants me to move back in with her and Pete so I can pay her bills but that ainapos;t gonna happen. I have been down that road already.
I have to say its getting harder and harder to stay alone. I am getting to the point where I think I need some sort of conselling to help me come to terms with my life and turn things around. I donapos;t think I will go as far as saying I am in a deep depression but I will say that I am having some issues with how my life is.
I am planning a trip to North Carolina on the 28th of October thru the 10th of November and once I get back I think its time to start getting my shit together. I know how many times have I said that but the only one who can do that is me. Of course, just putting that way is putting off doing it now. Well enough for now. I know the music is ironic.

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